Just keep swimming

I don't ever blog anymore but I feel like I need to write some of these "feelings" down so  maybe one day I can look back and see it was just a phase.

About a month ago we found out that Ricky will lose his job at the end of the month. He has been a term for 7 years and has always been told by his lead people and bosses that his job was secure, that they would make sure he had a job, that they would just transfer the terms over, blah blah blah.  About 2 months ago his building was taken over by a different department of the army and this is not how they run.   So the new department posted all 12 of the terms positions and told them good luck.   Being that only 3 of the terms are vets and over 500 vets put in for the jobs, Ricky and 8 of  his coworkers are out. Let me say this, I absolutely agree that the vets should get the positions, they have served our country and are completely due the benefits of putting their life on the line. That  being said it still stinks that 9 people who are all according to the results of their application are "WELL QUALIFIED"for the job are out of jobs. They all have families and homes and are just done. It isn't that their work has decreased to where they aren't needed but that the people that have been working for 7 years just aren't wanted.

 So now we both have to find jobs. Ricky has been the only one working for the past 7 years. His pay was enough to let me stay at home with the babies and we have had to budget for our wants and needs. Ricky's pay has dropped over 10k in the last few years as the overtime was reduced. So now we are faced with his pay being cut another 8-10 dollars an hr at least. He interviewed for a job but we don't know for sure yet if that will work out so I have to find something NOW!!  I have have 2 1/2 years left of school. I should be able to transfer next fall and begin my classes for elementary education. I was hoping to be home until my babies started school and now that is all messed up.

While we have both spent lots of time over the last month putting in for jobs I have only had 2 interviews and to me that is very depressing. I of course haven't had much luck with those interviews or I wouldn't be complaining.

My concerns are leaving my babies, Regan has only known meme at home and if I'm not is he going to be OK? How can I handle full time work, full time mom, full time school? How are we going to make enough to cover our bills? If Ricky can find something somewhere how are we going to sell our house and move?

I'm scared and don't like my normal to change. I need a job!!

I pretty much think my husband is the best guy/man around. I mean, He works all day comes home passes me at the gate and takes on three kids. There are days that the house is a wreck, the kids are fussing, and dinner is frozen pizza bites, But he never complains. He does baths and has the kids in bed before I get home. He is AMAZING! 

Except one thing... HE SNORES~I'm not talking about a little person cute snore I'm talking wake a hibernating bear, call of the wild, scare the buffalos snore. It drives me crazy crazier. I try to be nice and just touch him to get it to stop, my next move is to pull the blanket, I usually get a few minutes of peace with that. But just as I get cozy and think I have defeated that ear rattling noise, it creeps back in. Slowly at first, not a consistant snore just that sweet little noise babies do. Then slowly it gets louder and scarier to finally it sounds like someone has cranked a VW bug next to me. I usually move to a more agressive approach by this time and rub his arm. When that doesn't work he gets a good ole fake sneeze. AAAAACHOOO! Ugh,come on. That leaves me no choice but to kick his leg and then act all innocent when he wakes up. My plan is to act innocent and go to sleep faster than he falls back asleep, hoping I can start MY snoring before he gets back to sleep. 

I have the perfect hubby until bed time!

Birthday party blues

Sometimes I want to delete my facebook page and never look back. It causes so much pain and annoyance when I see kids in Regan's class having parties and Regan wasn't invited.  Today I saw the forth party that he wasn't invited to,  this was to a girl that he talks about being his friend.

 Are their parents afraid to invite Regan? Do the kids beg their parents to not invite him? Does he have any friends at school or does he feel lost and alone? I get reports that he is loved by everyone but then why have we only had 1 party invite in two years from school?   Ugh, no parent likes to feel that their child is being left out do they? 

On other news we had a great Valentine's Day.  We had red beans and rice. ( I know shocker right?) I made a caramel cake and cupcakes. We made some lemon bars and took them to my mom today at her work and then for supper I decorated the table with candles, conversation hearts, plastic "champagne" glasses and heart cut outs with things that I loved about each of them. I had to go to class. I hated to leave them but I was even more upset when the instructor didn't show up. Oh well, another reason that I should have finished school years ago!

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?
     10 and a half years. We started dating in August 2011.


2. How did you meet?
     Kindergarten. We went to school together all through school. We didn't really become friends until our Junior year and then we were even closer our senior year.


3. If married, How long have you been married?
     Next month will be eight years. .


4. If you are married, where did you get married? Big or small wedding?
     We got married in a small church that has since been turned into a community center. We had a pretty small wedding only about 50 people.

5. Do you have any nicknames for each other?
     Well... no not really. I'll call him babe but that is about it.


6. Name 3 things you love about your honey.
     1} His positive outlook 2} The way he looks at our children when he doesn't know I'm watching him 3} That he puts up with my crazy.




7. Tell us how he proposed.
    Which time? ha! No kidding we got engaged 2 times. Both in the a bathroom!! The first time I was moving into a trailer behind my parents and he "helped" paint the wall for me one day while I was off shopping. When I got home he took me to the bath room and all he had painted was will you marry me. There on the counter was a monkey with a ring box The second time we were again in the bathroom at his parents house in the while I got my make up touched up and I went to pat his chest and felt the ring in his shirt pocket!! All I could do was laugh and so we got in engaged in the bathroom! How romantic,right?


8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?
     He is neither. We don't do Valentine's Day. I don't want flowers and candy or anything on a day that he is told to do it. Love me any other day of the year and will will mean more than on Valentine's.




9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch? I would love to be sunset on the beach but we are more of on the couch watching a movie.




10. Tell us one thing you’d like to do with your significant other one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?    I would love to spend the day in New Orleans together.


11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentines Day? I have class and he has to work so we will not see each other really until later.


12. Are you asking for anything for V-day?
Maybe a foot rub. But I do that everyday!




13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love. Time together away from distractions. We usually let the kids go off one evening a week so that we can spend time catching up with each other. It is really important especially for us we don't see each except for about 10 mins until I get home from school at almost 9pm every night.




14. Show us a picture of what love means to you.

The clock

Tonight in class we had to write about an object in a room where we had a gut wrenching experience. My mind went to a clock in a room where my life was forever changed. This post won't make sense to anyone probably, but as I sat there writing through sobs I thought maybe I had some issues deep down that I never worked out.

3:58
White with Black numbers
Time changed
Life changed
Blue baby
Green mommy
Quiet whispers
side way glances
half way smiles
Life changes
Happy times
~
odd feet
quiet times
bedside manner
didn't matter
phone calls
worst nightmares
~
Warm showers
Hot tears
white pill
cold shivers

Those all came to me while I was in class. I still cry tears thinking about that moment he was born. I looked right at the clock the moment he came into the world. I had no clue that almost 7 years later that clock hanging on that tan wall would mean so much to me. It's the moment my life as I knew it ended. It's the moment that I became not just a mom, but a meme.  The moments after Regan was born I saw the doctor mouth something to a nurse as she went out of the room. I remember the nurses facial expression that made me feel that something wasn't right. I just had no clue what that something was.

Life with Regan has been a challenge it has made me stronger than I ever thought possible. I have learned to stand up for what I believe is right and has made me want to be a better person. Even though these feelings all feel negative toward his diagnosis I could never explain the joy that 3:58 brought into my life. There is something so different about my bond with Regan.  In that minute he wasn't the only person born, I was too.   I don't believe, "Special parents get Special kids", I know that special kids MAKE special parents.

Regan

Dance party!!

     Regan loves to dance, he will shake his booty to any music and is actually a pretty good dancer. (He did not get that from his meme or daddy) His latest thing is break dancing, he gets on the floor and tries to spin himself! Such a funny guy.

     School is going really well for him. He is amazing me with his computer skills. He will get on Starfall and navigate around the site.  That is a huge change from last year or even the beginning of the year. He is working hard on reading and I'm sure he will soon "get it" I know he wants to it just hasn't clicked for him just yet.

     He is listening to us and following directions so much more. He has matured so much this school year and we are so happy with the boy he is becoming. Potty has been an issue over the past few months. He was in a situation that he didn't like and started having accidents to get out of the room he was in.  We are just getting all that back on track after we all figured out what the problem was. We do feel like there is a GI issue with Regan and so we will be asking for a GI referral at his 7 year check up. 7 YEARS!! How can it be?! 

     Wednesday will be surgery time for Regan. He is having bilateral eye surgery to correct both eyes. He has been wearing glasses all these years to correct his eye turning in but is now losing sight in his eye. So we are hoping that it can correct those issues for him. This surgery was scheduled before and was cancelled because the doctor was sick. 

     That's my update on Regan he is an amazing little boy who amazes us everyday!

    

More stuff

Madness is about to hit at our house again starting tomorrow. School starts for me and that means Ricky is in charge of the nightly routine. He does so well keeping up the routine, but I have such guilt about leaving them. I'm only taking four classes this semester so maybe that will make it easier for all of us.

Regan starts a new program tomorrow at school for reading, it's called waterford. I'm excited to see what he can learn from it. He knows all his letters and letter sounds but we are still having trouble putting it together. He will be pulled out for this and will have one-on-one so he will either love it or hate it. We shall see.

A week from Wednesday, Regan will be having another surgery. This one will be on his eyes. We have tried glasses for years to correct his Esotropia but it has not corrected with glasses.  I'm already nervous but trying not to think about it too much. Regan will be in good hands, I just wish he didn't have to endure any pain.