The clock

Tonight in class we had to write about an object in a room where we had a gut wrenching experience. My mind went to a clock in a room where my life was forever changed. This post won't make sense to anyone probably, but as I sat there writing through sobs I thought maybe I had some issues deep down that I never worked out.

3:58
White with Black numbers
Time changed
Life changed
Blue baby
Green mommy
Quiet whispers
side way glances
half way smiles
Life changes
Happy times
~
odd feet
quiet times
bedside manner
didn't matter
phone calls
worst nightmares
~
Warm showers
Hot tears
white pill
cold shivers

Those all came to me while I was in class. I still cry tears thinking about that moment he was born. I looked right at the clock the moment he came into the world. I had no clue that almost 7 years later that clock hanging on that tan wall would mean so much to me. It's the moment my life as I knew it ended. It's the moment that I became not just a mom, but a meme.  The moments after Regan was born I saw the doctor mouth something to a nurse as she went out of the room. I remember the nurses facial expression that made me feel that something wasn't right. I just had no clue what that something was.

Life with Regan has been a challenge it has made me stronger than I ever thought possible. I have learned to stand up for what I believe is right and has made me want to be a better person. Even though these feelings all feel negative toward his diagnosis I could never explain the joy that 3:58 brought into my life. There is something so different about my bond with Regan.  In that minute he wasn't the only person born, I was too.   I don't believe, "Special parents get Special kids", I know that special kids MAKE special parents.

Down Syndrome Awareness Month

Here we are seven days into Down syndrome Awareness month and I haven't even mentioned it. Pull out the streamers and candy today we party!? Is that the way to celebrate that extra piece Regan got? Is it something to celebrate? It makes Regan.....Regan... Do we celebrate when someone has brown hair, is there a National Brown hair awareness month? ( Don't look it up cause there probably is and then my point wouldn't be valid) Regan was born with it does it make him unique? You betcha it does. He has his funny ways about how things go, which seat he sits in, what he eats, how he likes his toys to be, what he wants to do with each person he spends time with. Wait.... Don't we all?  I always sit in the same seat in school and if someone is in my seat it just makes me all messed up.  Maybe we should celebrate National wanna sit in the same seat month?

 I don't want to wait until October every year to celebrate this unique characteristic. Regan is more than an awareness month he is a little boy that loves football, tball, baseball, basketball, climbing, running, the band, the cheerleaders, motorcycles, running in the woods, the bus,snuggles with his meme, chicken, sprite, playing with Daddy and so much more.

So this month when I write it's going to be a series on Regan. I'll tell you about the day we became "aware" of DS, I'll go through some of our most asked questions and if you have any feel free to ask me.  Send me an email, leave a comment with your question,  Facebook or twitter. What ever works for you. I'll tell you about some things we are wanting in the future for Regan. Ways that his extra chromosome effects him. What we plan to tell Kollyn and Karly about Regan and much more.

I'm excited to spread awareness about Regan, he is truly an amazing guy!

Buzz is for babies?

This morning I pulled out one of Regan's buzz light year shirts for him to wear. He quickly told me no! So I pulled out another toy story shirt and again he told me NO! So I asked him what the deal was because he loved Buzz and Woody over the Summer?!! His response to me "Uzz fo abies" ~~~~~~BUZZ IS FOR BABIES?? Are you kidding me?  I thought Buzz was still cool? Undoubtly not to Regan anymore. I just wonder what happened and who changed his mind. Seems my little boy is growing up and this momma isn't ready for that.

My Blue Rose

A Blue Rose
Author unknown


Having four visiting family members, my wife was very busy, so I offered to go to the store for her to get some needed items, which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags, detergent and Clorox. So off I went.


I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies and headed for the checkout counter, only to be blocked in the narrow aisle by a young man who appeared to be about sixteen-years-old. I wasn't in a hurry, so I patiently waited for the boy to realize that I was there. This was when he waved his hands excitedly in the air and declared in a loud voice, "Mommy, I'm over here."


It was obvious now, he was mentally challenged and also startled as he turned and saw me standing so close to him, waiting to squeeze by. His eyes widened and surprise exploded on his face as I said, "Hey Buddy, what's your name?"

"My name is Denny and I'm shopping with my mother," he responded proudly.


"Wow," I said, "that's a cool name; I wish my name was Denny, but my name is Steve."


"Steve, like Stevarino?" he asked. "Yes," I answered. "How old are you Denny?"


"How old am I now, Mommy?" he asked his mother as she slowly came over from the next aisle.


"You're fifteen-years-old Denny; now be a good boy and let the man pass by."


I acknowledged her and continued to talk to Denny for several more minutes about summer, bicycles and school. I watched his brown eyes dance with excitement, because he was the center of someones attention. He then abruptly turned and headed toward the toy section.


Denny's mom had a puzzled look on her face and thanked me for taking the time to talk with her son. She told me that most people wouldn't even look at him, much less talk to him.

I told her there were plenty of red,yellow and pink roses however Blue Roses are very rare and should be appreciated for their beauty and distinctiveness. You see, Danny is a blue rose and if someone doesn't stop and smell that rose with their heart and touch that rose with kindness then they have missed on of life's greatest joys.



My sweet Regan,
You are my blue rose. I am forever grateful that you came into our world with your extra piece and rocked our world.  Even when things don't go the way I want for you I know that in the morning you will wake up with a smile on your face ready to take on the world. I wish I could get you to understand that we see the hurt in your eyes and we feel it a 1000 times more when you are disappointed but I'm so proud of the guy you are becoming. I'm so happy to be your meme and I promise to ALWAYS fight for you.



School time

At the end of the school year last year we decided for Regan to repeat Kindergarten. It was a easy decision for us.  Regan has made LOTS of improvement over the Summer. Over the weekend we quizzed him and he got all but 4 letters correct. The ones he missed were:  L~he called it an I, T again he called it an I, W which he sees as a M and V which he sees as an N. I know I'm his momma but WOOT WOOT! 

The day school let out I threw away all the pull ups! We had been talking to him about it and so when he came home that day I took his pull up that he had on and we chunked it into the trash.  We have been in nothing but big boy undies since! At first we had lots of accidents but he started getting the idea and is FINALLY potty trained. It is wonderful to only have two in diapers instead of three! 

With staggered entry this year Regan's first day was yesterday. Ricky and I took him to school and he just went right in and found his seat. He sat down and told us bye. Then while I was taking pics he looked at me and said BYE MEME!


If you look real close in this picture you can see a black eye on the left side. Kollyn decided to wack him in the eye with a hair brush on Monday night!

Regan has wanted to ride the bus since preschool. Last year I didn't like the pickup time for him and I didn't fight to change it so I just took him. This year he had a perfect pickup time thanks for a wonderful driver who I think I have known since I was about 5. She eased my mind and now he only rides for about 10 mins!

Regan says he had a good day yesterday. He was in a great mood all afternoon. I can't wait to see how he changes this year!

Bear wrestling...

Today we return to the dentist. For us this is like wrestling a bear! Regan to put it nicely HATES going to the dentist. Well, let me rephrase that he loves the waiting room at the dentist it's when they call his name to go back that we have a problem. Our dentist has a cool little tree house kind of thing in the waiting room. He slides a million times a minute but you let that sweet lady come out and call his name and the kicking and screaming begins. Our dentist sees special needs patients only at a certain time to "allow for more one on one time." I think he does it so that Regan doesn't scare the other patients! Now as he head into the little room Regan gains all kinds of super human strength and then it takes an army to get him on the chair!!!

What follows next is something out of a horror film. Usually involves screaming, crying ,clawing, begging, kicking, 3 assistants, a dentist and me. It's just plain ugly in there!! When we finally get done Regan has lots of bruising all over his face and neck from where the capillaries have busted. I'm sweating, his sweating, the assistants are talking about how they are glad it's lunch so that they can rest after that and I swear we will NEVER do that again!! But of course then we find out we need to come back in a few weeks and get a tooth fixed!!

Our trip today is because of cavity. A tiny little place he tells me, won't even need to numb him up. I'm not looking forward to it and may need some medication myself to make it through this.

Reading

Regan read his first sentence lastnight with out me having to say the words first for him.~~~~~~I see three circles.~~~~~~ What a moment!


I'm a proud meme (that is what he calls me)

Busy weekend

We have had a crazy weekend. I spent about 16 hours in L&D Thursday due to back pain/kidney stone/gall stone/bladder infection. Not sure exactly what was causing all the problems but something was and it wasn't pretty!! Things are better now I 've been on lots of medicine to try to help the problems so I think I'm getting better. It all started when I picked up Kollyn funny Thursday afternoon and only got worse during the evening and night. I have a wonderful doctor who helped take care of me and get me back on the healing track!!

I did find out that I am already dilating so that was exciting!! Right now we are looking at the 23rd of September to be induced. It may happen before that but that is what we discussed. We had an ultrasound last week and she weighed 4lbs already! I think she will be the largest of my babies!!

I have to say how wonderful our families are!! We called Ricky's parents on the way to their house Thursday morning at 3 and told them we were bringing the boys to them. Then when I knew we were being sent to L&D I called my mom and told her what was going on she rushed to the hospital to be with us. She had to go to work but then a co-worker offered to run her route for her so that she could be with me. Friday Ricky's mom stayed with us so that I could see the boys and all day Saturday she watched the boys and washed all the laundry!! My mom made me chicken and dumplings and my dad brought them to me and cut our grass!! Then as our air conditioner has decided to die on us they went and got us another and installed it for us! We have amazing parents and are so thankful for them!!

Regan starts back to school next week!! He is super excited! Every morning he has asked me if its "cool time?" I'm hoping to do some fun things together this week I can't believe it has went by so fast!


**Update~Spell check won't work. I'm too tired to fuss with it tonight! If its wrong just forgive me!!

Happy Birthday!

Today is Regan's 5th Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday my sweet boy!!

We love you!