The clock

Tonight in class we had to write about an object in a room where we had a gut wrenching experience. My mind went to a clock in a room where my life was forever changed. This post won't make sense to anyone probably, but as I sat there writing through sobs I thought maybe I had some issues deep down that I never worked out.

3:58
White with Black numbers
Time changed
Life changed
Blue baby
Green mommy
Quiet whispers
side way glances
half way smiles
Life changes
Happy times
~
odd feet
quiet times
bedside manner
didn't matter
phone calls
worst nightmares
~
Warm showers
Hot tears
white pill
cold shivers

Those all came to me while I was in class. I still cry tears thinking about that moment he was born. I looked right at the clock the moment he came into the world. I had no clue that almost 7 years later that clock hanging on that tan wall would mean so much to me. It's the moment my life as I knew it ended. It's the moment that I became not just a mom, but a meme.  The moments after Regan was born I saw the doctor mouth something to a nurse as she went out of the room. I remember the nurses facial expression that made me feel that something wasn't right. I just had no clue what that something was.

Life with Regan has been a challenge it has made me stronger than I ever thought possible. I have learned to stand up for what I believe is right and has made me want to be a better person. Even though these feelings all feel negative toward his diagnosis I could never explain the joy that 3:58 brought into my life. There is something so different about my bond with Regan.  In that minute he wasn't the only person born, I was too.   I don't believe, "Special parents get Special kids", I know that special kids MAKE special parents.